Dear diary 1-Waking up each day year after year with a lot of pain its so hard! Some days the pain is as much as I can handle but there are other days that is way too much for me to handle! It takes all I’ve got to do the simple things from those that I need to do. Going to work outside my house is impossible for me. I find so heroic all of you that manage to work even if you are in a great pain! Or having kids to take care and be in a lot of pain! You have my respect!! Am I too weak to push myself even harder? Maybe I am!! Or maybe I am too tired after all those years of pain. But why do I have to suffer pushing me to feel more pain than I can handle in order to work or do things? Why not having the respect to say no I don’t want to feel more pain let me be?!
People tend to criticize me because some want to be able not to work as I do. But they forget that I rely on others. Others because they hate working so hard and want to have someone to pay their bills but they forget to see how bad that can be to rely on others moods. Others because they think I am doing it so I will not work and I use pain as a false excuse. They don’t see my sadness and my need of freedom.
I will give you my pain to be able to work and have a great income to be free of pain and able to live and pay my bills!! You get to go on vacations, on trips, or long walks because you work and you have income and you are pain free!
Be careful for what you have and grateful of having them otherwise you will lose them in a blink of an eye!
They criticize because I am not in a hospital in a bad shape but I am at home having no symptoms that they can view! They cannot view how much pain I am in! They cannot feel the pain I feel! They don’t care even if they could!
Fine by me don’t care but don’t add on me your labels and your criticisms!
Why criticize and not let me be? Why do I still get hurt or even care of the criticisms of others? I know it is stupid….. but even so sometimes it hurts so dam must!
Let me keep learning the lessons my pain is trying to teach me. Speak if you have ways to help me understand them so I can move on. Stay away if all you want to do is criticize me or call me names and label me!
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