One more day like this! Tears are running. I cannot hold them back anymore! I am trying to see all this in a less negative way but it is hard! All I did was to take 2 dam pills the doctor gave me and my body is out of control second week now.
My blood purser is going up and nothing can stop it! I cannot hear, I am so dizzy, I see so blurry.
My head hurts, my legs hurt….. I cannot do simple things and as the dizziness is getting worst, I start to panic. Max is the only one here with me. He sits on my head he knows something is wrong.
My dog always knows and he always sits where it hurts the most! If only that can be enough for me to calm down. I don’t want to vomit again for hours like last week, that’s what scares me the most! Vomit and pass out! All I did was trust classic therapy and I did not do the therapy all the way I only took one fucking pill in the morning almost 2 weeks back. Its too much! How to blame? I want to yell and break things so badly! I sleep and, in my dreams, I see things that make me mad and sad. So, I woke up even worst! Not even if my sleep I cannot find comfort. I don’t have a hug to cry as I will be in there! I don’t trust normal doctors no more; they never know what is wrong all the do is make me even sicker. The one therapist that knew how to help me have died……… I just don’t want to suffer like that anymore! 13 years of my life is more than enough on suffering!!
When will it end????????????
I want to be productive, creative, walk a lot, smile, offer help and when something stops me from being able to do all that it hurtssssssssss and it brings me down!!!! It makes me mad with God and with life and with me!!
Maybe feeling like this is the next step for the change that is coming but how on earth has to be so dam panful!!!
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