What I am about to write are all the things that I wanted as a kid others to have done to me but never did.
First thing is to see if the kid is motivated only if you encourage it or if the kid acts only if you are a little hard on him / her. Because when a kid hides deeper in himself when others are hard on him/her all you will do is make it worst and help the kid get trapped deep in his /her fears for life! They are kids that if you are too soft on them, they simple cannot follow you or understand you, is like their mind shuts down like it happens to those kids that when you are hard on them, they freeze. If you are unsure test it, and see how the kid react on each test.
Now, because I am the kind of person that hard talk makes me freeze up, I can only talk to you about a kid that need kind words to be motivated. A kid like me.
Each time someone talks to me by humiliating me or by creating threats, I never ever get the lessons they are trying to teach me by acting like that on me. Being a very shy and sensitive kid people around me had the idea that they need to hard me up, make me be less sensitive is the best for me. Therefore, they were criticizing me all the time and they were putting labels on me all the time like “you are lazy, you are stupid, you don’t disserve to be loved, you are not worthy” … What those talks did was for me to become shyer and believe those words to be true! I acted like I was stupid even tho I loved reading and learning I was not being able to remember what I have read and I was all the time thinking I am not good on doing this or that. I started feeling shy and unworthy when I was in a place full of people I did not know.
For kids like me stop treating them like that because you are robbing them of their happiness and of their opportunity to shine in life! Don’t talk down on them all the time! If you see the kid is unsure and afraid to try on something new something so silly for you don’t look down on the kid. You have experiences that the kid does not have! You have years of practicing on your emotions and your fears but the kid does not, it is his/ her first time and does not know how to react on feelings and on anything! That’s why you are here to guide the kid to teach the kid in a way he can understand you and not be traumatized! If you cannot be patience, it is best to let the kid alone than hurt his /her soul like that!
If the kid is afraid of failure and of others making fun of how bad he or she will be then try this maybe that will be of a help:
Strat by doing something fun and relaxing where you will talk to the kid about how good he or she is, how much you love them, how proud you are of them as you play and have fun. Hug them a lot!! Sensitive kids love that! They need that! Then tell them that you are all going to try something new and ask them what they would like to do. If the kid does not know what he wants to do have some options for him to choose from. You may need to think what your kid likes and choose activities in that redaction even if for you are boring activities. Don’t choose very hard on at first. Level up as your kid can manage. Go with them, team up with them don’t leave them alone to face that new activity, and as you do so make fun of the hard times you are facing while you are doing that new activity. Use humor to make the difficult less scary and less uncomfortable. If the activity has to do with let’s say both of you be faster use humor to make the how slow you both are so the kid will feel less embarrassment of being slow. Don’t go faster leaving it behind it is not you that matters nor is bad that your kid is slower or is having trouble with this activity! Why should it matter if he /she is good on it? What matters is that you are spending time with your kid making memories that will last forever so make the activity fun change the rules of it to make it fun if you have to. See if how you behave it is too much for your kid and you are making him or her feel uncomfortable. Comment in a fun away on how hard it is for you too and that all it matters is to have fun and that you are so proud of the kid no matter what! Comment on fun facts and focus on how others may be doing it wrong too. After that new activity especial if it was hard and the kid did not manage it well go do something he /she is good at and you know the kid will laugh his/her heart out! Don’t let the day end in his /her mind focus with how bad he or she was on that new activity. Take that focus away by doing something super fun so in the end of the play time the kid will have forgotten or think less of the thing he or she was not that good with.
Each time you do something the kid is having hard time with instead of be mad with the kid or feel his failure makes you look bad use humor change the rules, do something silly, make the kid laugh! Combine difficulty with fun! Meaning, ok I try it did not work out well but hell who cares life is amazing let’s have some fun now instead of cry about it and let it dominating our mind. Yea ok we felt embarrassed and that others were laughing at us but at least we made them have a good time and who cares what they were thinking! It is not bad to feel like that you know! What is bad is to let those feeling make you feel less worthy or that the day was bad! So now we will do something to shake away from us those negative feels! This way maybe when hard times will come his or her way in the future it won’t put them down easy and they will go and do something fun to make the stress less.
On the other hand, don’t let the kid stay at home never trying new things because the kid is shy or always in fear. Teach them it is ok to try. It is ok to fear but, in the end, it is more fun to try so you can have to say to your friends I did it! Let me tell you what happened! Or that he now have the experience to teach his friends on how to do that activity and what they should look out for. Team up with them don’t let them try it alone! Don’t be serious about it use humor to make the unconfutable times less bad. And don’t be afraid to talk about those activities. “Remember that day that we try to learn to do …. And we went up doing it all wrong? It was so fun! I pee on me …. I was so scared and you help me make it … I am so proud of you that day how you handle everything!” don’t start saying “I hate remembering that day you made me feel so mad you could not do such a simple thing...”
And don’t forget to do silly things with your kid when the kid is very small, like dance in the rain, dance at home when it feels like a bad day, grab the kid and dance and say let’s take our bad mood and stress away now. Make the kid be used on having fun on a bad day!
If the kid had already a trauma memory from somewhere (school, etc.,) is not a bad thing to take the kid to a therapist than let the kid suffer year after year. It may not remember what triggers it but it is there hurting the kid. Why let the kid suffer like that?
If you go and throw the kid in to something that makes him or her, be afraid and leave the kid alone with that feeling you will be creating a trauma memory.
Yes, your kid is not like you it’s a sensitive kid so what? You are going to bully the kid with your expectations and words and labels? How will that help? You want the kid to hate you? Did you ask the kid before you had it? No! Having a kid means you have a soul that needs guidance, if you are not up to it don’t have a kid!
Here is the video of it that I have recorded: https://youtu.be/2W8_UbIqcjA
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