Jun 86 min read

How to Help Relatives and Friends with Chronic Illnesses

Understanding and Support: Helping Relatives and Friends Suffering from Chronic Pain.

Do you have a relative, friend, or acquaintance who, whether working or not (due to their health problems), complains and talks about the pain they experience, how they suffer, and how difficult their life has become? You see the years go by, and this person continues to talk about how much they hurt… Because they have now become trapped in this way of life. Their psychology has been shattered. In some cases, the problem and pain are obvious. In other cases, however, they are not, making it difficult for you to discern their pain. On the other hand, you are tired of hearing them! Maybe you endured it for the first few months or the first two years. You might have shown some small or great sympathy back then. But now you can't stand it! You don't care! Maybe you never cared from the beginning! Perhaps you couldn't stand it from the start. Because, after all, you have your own problems to think about, right? Who has the time and space to listen to others complain and talk about how much they suffer? Especially if it is something that is not visible, like some illnesses where you see the other person suffering and deteriorating both from the illness and the treatments. The effects are very obvious. But still, even with obvious signs, what can you do? You have your own problems too! Unfortunately, only if you find yourself in their position might you understand them! (And I hope you never do!). Okay, you don't have to feel bad because you don't hurt, you don't hunger! You might think: So many people live with diabetes, with this or that! The other person exaggerates to be lazy. Especially if they are not working and say they can't because they are in pain but there are no visible signs of their suffering. They exaggerate to get our attention. You might even be jealous that this person stays home all day while you work hard and run around with a ton of responsibilities. Well, what can I do about it, brother! How much "misery" can I endure!

My friend, you have been right too! But for you to be near someone who is in pain is not accidental! It is a life lesson for you as much as it is for them! That is why I am mentioning all the following to you. To help you see and understand another perspective on how to view all this that is happening! And maybe, just maybe, if you want, to show you how to help the friend, relative, or acquaintance who is suffering!

Unfortunately, most doctors fail to diagnose the root of the problem and why someone is in pain. Because they don't care to heal. Because they only care about money. Because they stick to the old-fashioned teachings they learned when they studied. Because they don't study to find out if what they learned still applies. Because they don't study to see what helps and what doesn't in today's world. They don't research it; they are satisfied with just having a degree. Because just like you, they see some symptoms as a tiresome habit and ignore them. They dismiss them by saying it's in your head, as if they don't count. Because they have stopped listening to the patient carefully, they are now tired of their profession. Because, like you, they are tired of hearing the same things over and over. Because they don't know what it means and don't care to learn how to help you. Because many symptoms are resolved with the right long-term diet/psychology/movement and not with drugs (and their side effects). Because they are only taught to cover up the symptoms and not how to identify the root of the problem.

Because they don't care when they see someone in pain, suffering because they simply haven't experienced it to know what it's like! What it's like to live with such symptoms and the side effects of the drugs. It's just words, just misery, just whining of others, as you see it too. It only takes a moment to find yourself in their position (those who are in pain)! Never forget that! Maybe their pain came to force them to change jobs, profession, skills, relationships, the way they think, etc. To guide their new decisions on the path to their personal happiness (if they don't get trapped there feeling pain). Or to share the life lesson they took or are taking with you or others so that each of you can improve where needed. Don't miss this opportunity!

One thing is certain! You can help! They need your help! There are many kinds of help you can offer! Expensive and less expensive, like not going on trips every weekend or vacationing this summer. To forgo your frequent outings, making fewer of them to help financially find a solution. To find the right doctors, the right diagnosis, and treatment. Or to help pay for their mental health support (psychotherapy).

There is also cost-free help you can offer. Depending on their problem and what they struggle to do on their own. Let's look at some examples:

Drive them to the doctors so they don't feel alone and helpless. So, they don't have to suffer and stand at the taxi or bus stop.
Help them carry their groceries. Yes, take them to do their weekly shopping. Not to pay for them but to drive them in your car and help with the carrying. This way, they will be distracted a bit with your company and care. They will feel that they are cared for and loved.
Can't cook for themselves because they suffer? Cook for them! Don't leave them hungry! They will feel so helpless not being able to cook!
Do not allow yourself to vent in front of them, making them feel like a burden! Vent at home! Vent by going out for a run or exercising in some way.
Help keep their house clean. Imagine living for 3-5 years in a house that hasn't been dusted and cleaned for so long! Help keep the house well-maintained! They stay locked inside the house. That's what they look at for hours, so imagine seeing it in such a state……. How much it pains and despairs them!
Put them in the car and take them for a drive to see the city, nature, the sea. Whatever they like and lifts their spirits. Most cannot go out alone because they are in pain! They feel fear if they faint, if this or that happens and they are alone, who will help them then and how will they go back home?!. Take them for a safe, relaxing drive that doesn't aggravate the symptoms.
Keep them company! Tell jokes. Watch funny videos. Play board games or Uno or do puzzles.
If the symptoms are such that they cause pain or fear and they don't dare to walk, resulting in the risk of developing other health problems from too much sitting, help. With small walks around the neighborhood or some form of exercise that doesn't aggravate the symptoms.
Help them not to gain weight from inactivity and poor diet because they can't cook and go out shopping. Obesity will create serious health problems, as will inactivity.
Help them find a hobby so they are not constantly thinking about the pain.
Teach them to visualize and imagine getting better. There are many books on this topic, as well as videos.
Take them to the library (if they love reading) to borrow many books to spend their hours pleasantly and travel through the pages of the books with the heroes of each story!

There are many more depending on what each person likes. In any case, offer meaningful help in some way, even just an hour or two per week!!!! Both you and the other person will improve as individuals this way!

• Chronic pain

• Support

• Compassion

• Favorite persons

• Suffer

• Aid

• Care

• Understanding

• Empathy

• Psychology

• Illness

• Diagnosis