The Alienation of Children from Parents: An Open Letter
How Parents' Actions Create Gaps in Communication with Their Children. Why Kids Withdraw: An Open Letter to Parents
Dear Parents,
Do you wonder why your child doesn't open up to you? Do you wonder why they don't trust you? Do you wonder why they don't ask for help from you? As a former child who didn't trust their parents, I will explain my reasons. Maybe you are doing the same things to your child without realizing how these actions impact them.
When I tried to express what I didn't like (to do, to have done to me, to be forced to do), they never paid attention. They never sat down to ask me. They never noticed how I reacted every time they imposed their wishes on me. Never!
Whenever they wanted, I had to want to: study, go with them wherever they wanted, do whatever chore they wanted. It didn't matter if I was tired, if I had the energy for something else, if I needed a small break. It didn't matter if I was in pain or sleepy! Complete indifference! I had to do what they wanted when they wanted, even if I was sick or hungry.
I had the energy to study at specific times. I calmed down with foreign music, not traditional ones. I suffered when they bathed me with very hot water, while my mother and brother loved it. I cried and begged my mother: "Please, mom, it hurts!" But she persisted! That suited her, that's what she considered right! I loved games and hobbies that might not have been valuable to my parents, so they were forbidden.
They verbally belittled me. I ate slowly, they ate quickly, and I couldn't enjoy my meal. They would eat my food with the excuse that I wouldn't finish it and would make me clean up the table before I was done. I did household chores correctly and faster in a different way, but my mother's way was mandatory. I got beaten to do it her way. I feared things that others found ridiculous, so they mocked and belittled me instead of helping me overcome my fears.
I felt helpless, alone. No one understood me, no one listened to me, no one cared! I needed encouragement and kindness, not shouting, blackmail, and threats. I would get scared and withdraw into myself, and my fears and insecurities would grow stronger.
I had to do only what they wanted. If I asked something because I didn't know, instead of helping me, they would shout at me. Out of tiredness, because they didn't know or didn't want to deal with me. They took my clothes, ruined them without replacing them, without an apology. They made my saved allowances disappear. They wouldn't come with me to help me learn or learn together what interested me, what I didn't understand, or what I feared. I saw them making tragic mistakes because they didn't seek proper help, solving problems and reacting poorly to difficulties.
They made me not trust them and not open up to them!
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