Women's Need for Respect and Reciprocity in Relationships. A Personal Confession
I will speak from the perspective of a woman because I am a woman. However, the same can apply to men as well. I am 48 years old with a failed marriage. I am not an entirely naive girl who is ready to give without receiving. I will fall in love and love the same as when I was younger, but now I will demand respect, support, understanding, and love. Many times, I heard from men (and I thank them for this) saying: "You are the ideal woman for me... With you, I can be happy... You know how to give, how to care, etc." But they only took! They gave crumbs and took everything! Some were manipulative people. Others flirted with anything that moved... Generally, their ego was overly inflated!
Do not wonder why the girl/woman you thought was what you needed in your life left you. That is, to tolerate everything without complaining. Not to ask and not to have needs, but to take care only of yours needs and wants! Were you the one she needed? Did you offer or only ask? And if you offered, was it only when it suited you and aligned with your needs? Otherwise, did you ignore her? Did you listen to her needs or only listened to yourself speaking and demanding?
Instead of getting angry because she left, think about your actions! Maybe she did what I did. Did she tell you politely many times what bothered her? And then, when she said it again and you kept hurting her and ignoring her, did she say it more intensely but you continued to ignore her? And when she left, you were shocked and now blame the girl/woman who left?!!! Because you did not expect it, you were happy and having a good time and said: "Oh, she doesn't mean it, it's just words. Let her ask and complain..."
A woman with a marriage behind her has lived through the mistakes of a marriage. She won't make the same ones! She won't tolerate the same things! She doesn't have the same patience! She saw what didn't work and what she won't tolerate again! Which promises are not kept and which words are and remain empty words and only that only words.
Sorry, but I have needs too, not just you! And they are just as important as yours! A relationship requires work, care, and reciprocity! It is not one-sided! As I improve and fix what bothers you, you must do the same.
You can't become a collector of clothes and objects and not leave room for me! It’s not acceptable for me to pick up what you leave around and tolerate living in a messy space because you consider me your servant! I told you from the beginning what bothers me, e.g., that I don’t tolerate you flirting with others while you’re with me! Either you are with me, or you are not! I don't like public arguments! I don't like intense arguments in general! If something bothers us, let’s say it calmly and solve it, as far as it can be solved, and not bottle it up and explode. Don't insult me publicly! I do not tolerate violence! Speak kindly to waiters, shop assistants who do their job correctly. Don't start with "don’t" and "don’t". If you want to change me completely, find someone else! I want pleasant humor and yes, why not act like kids from time to time!
• Respect
• Relationships
• Reciprocity
• Support
• Understanding
• Contact
• Breaking up
• Love
• Marriage
• Insecurities
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